What you probably already know: Shannon (not her real name) is taking a long-overdue break from online dating. It wasn’t because of the endless false hopes, misleading photos or tiresome interactions that never seemed to live up to their digital promise. The final straw? A guy criticized her after she refused to meet him at his house, where he said he would “take you to a cute bar” he knew. Shannon, a 30-something professional who works near Seattle, said she was more comfortable meeting for coffee instead of drinks, and at a location closer to her home. At first, he appeared hurt, but then “got really angry and told me I was the problem because I didn’t trust him. It got worse from there. No way was I going to his house.”
Why it matters: Shannon isn’t alone in her frustration and skepticism. Women are increasingly disengaging from dating apps because of safety and harassment concerns, including unwanted sexual messages, stalking and abuse. In a survey of more than 2,000 dating app users between the ages of 18 and 75, Besedo found that 40% completely abandoned platforms because they received inappropriate messages. More than 70% reported harassment or fraudulent profiles. “Women aren’t asking for much,” Besedo notes. “Just a dating experience where safety isn’t an afterthought.”
What it means: Forbes found last summer that the vast majority of people who use dating apps are sometimes “burned out” by them, regardless of age. Gen Z and young millennial women especially are leaving dating apps in droves in favor of social groups such as running or bike clubs. New research by Knorr found that 72% of Gen Z singles of both genders question the authenticity of dating profiles, while two-thirds struggle to find compatible matches. Women and people who identify as sexual minorities in particular report high levels of sexual harassment on dating apps, both online (especially in the form of receiving unsolicited images — you can use your imagination here) — and in-person.
What happens next: In a well-publicized case, six women last December filed a lawsuit against dating apps Hinge, Tinder and parent company Match for continuing to recommend a rapist to women in Denver. Several dating apps now prioritize safety, with Tinder recently announcing the rollout of Face Check, something it calls a “first-of-its-kind” verification feature that confirms users are real and match their profile photos. For her part, Shannon says she’s become skilled at spotting red flags and stops short of saying she’ll never use an app again. She recently began sharing her location information with friends via her cell phone before going on dates. “People who’ve never online-dated tell me it sounds like fun,” she says. “It’s not. It was at first, kind of. I’m just tired of the whole thing.”
